A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint. The man ran into a pulp as a punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy’s hands. When the boy woke up, he said, “ Daddy, I’m sorry. When will my fingers grow back?” After hearing this, the father went home and committed suicide.
Do you recall the unpleasantness within you when your feelings were hurt? When you heard words, which offended you?
Or when you were frustrated, disappointed, or depressed? These emotional responses were only disguises of that tiger within you and me-anger. Carrying this tiger around undealt and unresolved, we feel lonely and isolated. Our negative feelings are compounded resulting in a further in a further sense of hurt, frustration and rage.
What is anger? According to Charles Spielberg, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger, it is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage”.
All of us experienced anger, because we all perceive injustices. However, we respond to these perceived emotions in different ways. Sometimes we seethe quietly, other times we feel like burning like a volcanic eruption. Indeed, anger can boil over in violence, leaving in its wake irreparable destruction.
After reading the short story above, I realized that anger should be managed properly. Mismanagement of anger could sometimes lead us to become tigers as well, and even leaves an amputated feeling to the one we get angry with and to our self. Although it’s not good to keep this emotion within us, we have to bear in mind that releasing this tiger in a wrong way could sometimes lead to broken bones and broken feelings.
Dr. Spielberger notes that there are ways to manage one’s anger. These are: expressing, suppressing and calming.
Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior like getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on, or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.
As Dr. Spielberger quotes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt" (http:/ angermangement.com.html.).
A reflection paper on The Tiger Within Us By Miriam S. Tumandang (Health and Home, June 2006,p.26, 31),as a requirement in Psych 1.
